Daddy's girl

I remember our first run together
I was five years old
You left me in to play
In the sand box
But i followed all the way
And you had no clue
That I was right behind you

I loved our bike rides to the skate park
Where you fell and hurt your arm
I felt like that was my fault

When you went away for work
It felt like you were gone forever
I counted the days until you'd come home
I kept the post cards you sent me
But now you ARE gone forever
I can count the days
But you are never coming home

In your postcards
You always said you loved me
You missed me and were thinking of me
But you were okay
You were going to take me there someday
But life doesn't always work out that way

I remember our bike rides
And I remember how proud you were
When you bought mom's new bike
Which was stolen the next December
You were going to come to bike camp with me
But you didn't make it that long

You missed my first orchestra concert
And my first violin recital
My first triathlon
And my second one
Mom didn't come to either one

You came to cheer my on
At my race in the pouring rain
You drank the coffee
I woke up early to make for you
You even pretended to like it
Even though nobody would
But I was so proud of myself
I was just trying to be nice
And you drank it
Because you loved me

I wasn't the best daughter
I was far from it
Sometimes I was so mean to you
And I made you sad
I'm sorry
And more sorry i can't tell you that

You always made time for me
From the day I was born
You showed me off
Brought me to work with you
And every year you came to my school
To do presentations for my class
Everyone thought you were so cool

You tucked me in every night
You always knew when something wasn't right
If I was struggling
You brought me up
When I was sad
You comforted me
When I cried
You held me tight
And assured me i'd be alright

All too often
I took you for granted
I didn't understand what I had
Until it was too late
And I'd already lost you

In the car
You let me choose the channel
And you put up with my music
You even pretended to like it
Or maybe you really did
I will never know

I think of you all the time
And wonder what it's like up there
I wonder if it's better than here
I just hope you are happy
And I know you want me to be happy
But I wish we could be together
I thought that's how it was supposed to be
That's what you promised me

You missed my grade seven graduation
Weren't there for my grade twelve grad
You won't be when I finish university either
Or to walk me down the aisle
When I get married

Lots of things remind me of you
Thoughts of you fill my mind
Every time I drink a mocha
You showed me how to make them

Every time I see the number twenty three
I think of you
Such a small number
Yet so full of pain
That nobody else would fully understand
Scarred into my flesh
Memories of that day burned into my mind
Keeping me up at night
Eternally reminding me
Of the one day I don't want to remember
I can't block out those thoughts
They haunt me
And scare me
But I can't change the past

Every time I ride my bikeI think of you
That was our thing
And walks on the beach
Bring back so many memories
Of times we spent together
Every time I go skiing alone
I wish you could be there

Many nights I cried alone
Wishing you would come home
I remember when I was at camp
I was five years old
And the kids were so mean
I wanted to come home
I waited by the window
Knowing that if I waited long enough
You would come
But it's not like that now
You are gone forever
So many broken promises
And dreams that will never come true
I don't understand why this happened
Because you had so much life left in you

We were gonna go backpacking together
You promised to take me to Vancouver with you
When I was older
I am older now
But you are not here anymore
There were so many places you wanted to take me
But you never had a chance

You treated everyone with respect
You never picked favorites
That's why everyone loved you
You changed people's lives

The day you died
Every flag went down
At two Universities
You had two funerals
In two cities
It was very hard on me
But it shows how many people
Loved you

I have changed since you left
I have a lot of anger in me
Some would even say rage
But I try to keep it contained
It's just so hard for me to understand
Why this happened

I love you
And you are the one person
Who always made me feel special
You made me feel appreciated
Even when I felt unloved
You encouraged me
Even when I failed
And congratulated me
For my success
You loved me
Even when I had trouble
Loving myself
I struggle with that every day now

Nearly seven years have passed
And I still miss you
Nobody can change that
No one can take your place
Because I will always be a daddy's girl

I've changed a lot since I saw you
Done things that would bring you to tears
You would not be happy
But you'd still love me
Because i'm special to you

Dad I forgot to tell you
That when you left
You took a part of my heart
And I will never get it back

I don't know what its like in Heaven
Some people say we'll meet up there
But to be honest
I have a hard time believing that
The idea that you are gone
And I will never see you again
Is difficult enough for me to face
But the concept of meeting you in Heaven
Is just so hard for me to grasp

I'm sorry dad
It's time for me to move on
I can't dwell on this forever
But in a way we will always be together
I will always be your daughter
You were a big part of my life
I can't deny that
And nobody can make me forget
I'll always be a daddy's girl