I am not okay. A part of me still feels shame in admitting that. Back when I lived with my mom, If I, say, did poorly on a test, I'd get yelled at and told I wasn't good enough or wasn't taking school seriously or was going to fail and not go to university. I would get yelled at all night and cry myself to sleep. As if I didnt feel bad enough about the test in the first place. And then if I got bad marks repeatedly, I'd get hauled off to a psychiatrist. It wasn't just school that I couldn't tell my mom about. It was everything. I hid a knee injury from her for a month for this very reason. It got to the point where I could hardly walk because it hurt so bad and was so swollen. But I still got in shit. And THAT is why I have had it drilled into my head that its not okay, to admit that I am not doing okay.
School isn't going well. I am sick of the bullshit going on at work. I want to cut myself.
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