DEATH, ASHES, AND FUNERALS

So Wednesday was the day of the funeral. It was hard. FUCK. I just don't even know what to say. There were so many people they couldn't all fit in the room at the funeral home. So the rest of the people had to go in the reception hall, and LISTEN to the funeral on the speakers.

That night I straight out asked my mom what she'd done with my dad's ashes......in the closet, as I suspected. But WHY?!?!?!HOW!?!?! She said "it's just so horrible Karin." You know whats just as horrible if not more horrible than his death??? Its the fact that SHE just fucking shoved his ashes a closet for 7 and a half years!!!! Come on she had 2 funerals for him. Normally they are to commemorate the life of someone. But if she cared so much about him to have 2 funerals for him, how could she just shove his ashes in a closet for almost 8 years?!?!?!? I told her this. She laughed at me. He would not have wanted that. Every time we go to North Dakota, we visit Grandpa's grave, because we loved him. But what's left of my dad just gets shoved in a closet. What kind of respect is that? You never cared about how I felt about any of this mom. I love you but I HATE YOU FOR THIS.

Oh by the way, for those of you who actually CARE about my wishes, (aka NOT my mom), when I die I want to be buried NOT cremated. And I DON'T want to be buried in Edmonton. Because I was born here, and I definitely don't want to be buried here because I hate it here. When I told that to my mom she screamed at me and told me not to talk that way. And SHE is the one hiding her husband's ashes in the closet for years and not caring how her children feel about that. SELFISH BITCH!!!!!! I am sorry but I just need to let these emotions out.

"I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU, WHY DO I LOVE YOU?!?!?!?!" - That one line from the song "I hate everything about you," by Three Days Grace, pretty much describes how I feel in regards to this situation with my mom. But only that line, not the rest of the song, since the song is about sex.