Not as bad as expected

So today is the 23rd - a perpetually evil number. A number that is an eternal reminder that my dad is gone. Not only April 23rd, but just the number 23 in general. But today was actually a pretty good day. I had a major breakdown 2 nights ago but Jrecov was awesome and he got me through the night. I just needed to be able to say "I am sad, I am hurting" and have someone say that that's okay for me to feel that way. Because as hard as it is to believe, I often get the response that it's NOT okay for me to feel that way. I also made a new friend named Polly Rose :)

I am happy right now. I just talked to Mercy for hours on end as usual. I am hoping to get to Europe in 2 years. I want to do a semester in France. It would be at a school in either Lille or Avignon. Then after that maybe I will work in Europe or else I will just travel. Anyways I wish I could see Mercy sooner but it doesn't look like that will happen. Lol I'll have to bring lots of chocolate syrup for her. It costs a lot to send but she's worth it :) But it takes sooooo long to get there.

Mercy and I had quite a conversation tonight....about how I feel like I can feel her pain....but she can't. It's rather complicated. I have never had anyone in my life who understands me as well as she does. Well...except for my dad. But that was different.

Anyways today was a pretty good day. The SMA meeting went well. And I talked to Mercy a bunch, which ALWAYS makes me happy. And on top of all of that, my friend actually texted me and asked me to go for coffee sometime this week. Unfortunately though, since we work totally opposite hours, at the same workplace, it's not going to work this week. Next week should be good though :) I don't remember the last time someone actually asked me if I wanted to hang out with them. And she actually sounds like she sincerely WANTS to spend time with me.

I've been sleeping well most nights lately. But I need eat more I think. But I AM eating so thats good right? So I have 22 days SI free today. So I'm pretty happy about that. Oh and I also made a deal last night with Jrecov....a no drinking deal. He has not had a single drink since he stopped using. Alcohol is not his addiction but he knows that if he were to drink now, he'd get addicted. I've been feeling that way too lately. I don't usually drink but in the past couple weeks, I have had a couple random drinks just because I felt like it and wanted....I don't know what I wanted. Okay I admit it...I was hurting and I could not cut. But if I drink for that reason, it will quickly spiral out of control and become a major problem. It's not a problem at this point but I could see it becoming a problem in the future.....So for now, I'm not allowed to drink AT ALL. And then in a month, we will re-evaluate the situation.

Okay it's almost 2 am so I should go to sleep lol