An update on life

So in this post I'm pretty much gonna rant....well that's not much different than my other posts. Anyway, I quit my job today. I had what I thought was a long standing inside joke with one of the cashiers...apparently she didn't think it was a joke. And today I went up to her and put my arm on her shoulder and asked her how she was doing. Later she completely freaked out at me and told me that if I ever touched her again she was going to charge me with sexual assault. I was so embarrassed...I mean I thought we were friends and I was being friendly. They called that my first warning. Really? Well Jerrid you stupid fucker, if I complained about everything you said to me, you would be fired by now. I fucking hate you people. How dare you make fun of my belly and call me pregnant and say I'm ugly. It's not funny and it hurts my feelings. I can't believe they let people like you become supervisors. I'm really embarrassed and I know that the news of what happened between me and Sandy is going to spread all around the store before the end of tonight. Every time I make a mistake everyone in the store hears about it. Thanks a lot Jerrid.

Anyways whatever. They can all go fuck themselves. I called Save On tonight to talk to a manager about getting my job back. I'd be working in a different department though. I guess my chances are looking pretty good. I wouldn't even have to re-apply or interview. They would pretty much have to click a few buttons on the computer. Anyways, I'm supposed to call Roland tomorrow and ask him if he'll rehire me. So that's good I guess. I mean I haven't officially gotten the job yet but Roland liked me as an employee.

So if you are reading this you probably already know about Steve's cancer. So it turns out his 2 tumors are wrapped around a major artery so weren't able to remove them. I don't want to get into the details. I'm just really upset because I can't deal with losing my dad all over again...basically. But this world is full of broken promises.

In other news, Jay and I are back together. I'm always worried though. I constantly feel like if I screw up he is gonna leave me. I mean it happened once. But he says it's different this time. I guess I just need to see it to believe it. I love him so much and I don't want him to leave me. I want to do whatever I can to make it work. I don't know...is it like...if I send him one text too many that'll be my last straw? I like it when he tells me he loves me and when he is affectionate. It makes me feel like...well maybe he wants to stick around.

I've been thinking about cutting a lot lately. I feel like if I had that outlet again, things in my life wouldn't hurt as much. I don't know how else to deal with things. It's been over a year without cutting but I still have urges. I still feel like eventually I am going to go back to it. I don't know how to tell people this. And there's also so much more that's bothering me right now. I just don't know how to bring it up. Everybody just would get mad.